Monthly Archives: January 2014

“I’ll serve anywhere”

Friday night I was on a set at Gateway and we were worshiping singing this song All is for our Glory. The line that struck me was “I’ll serve anywhere, just let me see your beauty”. I have sung this song a number of times, and I have always love the part about giving God preeminence, that is what I long to do, make his presence first in my life and giving all Glory to him. I think so often when we sing this song we say God, I will go where ever you send me, so often we think, we will go share the gospel and proclaim his name to the Nations, while yes, I would love to go to another country for at least a bit and proclaim his name and just love on people like Jesus does. However, it struck me that there is a place that God has me serving and I have been so busy complaining about not wanting to be there that I have missed seeing his beauty. Anywhere includes where I am working now. I will admit, I still don’t want to work and live in New Holland, It is boring… But it none the less is where God has me at this point in time, so until he opens up a door for me elsewhere I must learn to be content, and not only that but serve joyfully where I am now. I was discussing this with a friend this morning and she had brought up a verse in Philippians, 4:11 Paul states “Not that I am speaking of being in need for I have learned in whatever situation to be content” That doesn’t mean that in every situation I will automatically be content, but have to rely on Gods guiding and teaching me to seek him in every situation.

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The issue at hand, and on my heart

I cannot sit back and tolerate what is happening in the world, I will intercede. Lately God has really pressed on my heart and been oh so gently breaking it for his children that have been trapped into the sex trade. And a little over a year ago I knew nothing of this issue happening around me. It all started with North Star Initiative being the organization we donated to at the C4 Christmas party. From there I met a friend the second week of my spring semester at Millersville. She had a heart that over Christmas break was broken for the issue. This burning issue on my heart hasn’t been there since last Christmas, I will say honestly that this is a new thing for me, but I know that so many things have lined up and why me! The next thing that stirred my heart was The 5K Run For Love in Ephrata right by Gateway House of Prayer where I am doing my internship. I ran to support my friend who was also at the same time raising support for her trip to Cambodia, while the run was happening the Prayer room was also open and they were interceding for the end of Human Trafficking, This was my first time in the prayer room which I now actually spend a good amount of time in, that was also the first time I felt a thick presence of God to where I was literally shaking. NEXT! It is a few days before my friend Kayla leaves for Cambodia; we all gathered around her and Joylie (the other young woman going) and were praying for their trip. Now the reason this is important was that this was my first experience praying in the spirit, like it was just weird to me, other people can do it but me??? Well I just let it happen that night, I think that was really significant, it’s hard to explain, but without even realizing God was putting on my heart something so deep that human words cannot begin to express how deeply this issue hurts him. Over the spring semester and summer I had become friends with a girl named Sarah, so in August during Circuit Riders we got together for dinner before the evening session, that was the first time we really sat down and talked and at that time we talked about not going back to school in the fall, we didn’t know each other wasn’t doing that. She starts back up in a few weeks because she was also called to fight and bring light to this issue of Human trafficking and the sex trade industry via journalism. Through my friendships with these two marvelous young women of God I have learned a lot about the issue, with them as friends God has also taught me a decent amount about the issue because there have been times that God lets me play dress up and be mail woman :). One more thing that has led to this issue being really on my heart before I get to the stuff in the really recent was that my work schedule was allowed me to be at Gateway for Night watch, Wednesday nights/Thursday mornings from 12-2am is one that I made it out to, like I had said earlier we are interceding for the end of Human Trafficking, it is amazing how much you learn by just beginning to intercede about an issue. One night before our watch we watched Nefarious, a documentary on the sex trade industry directed and produced by Benjamin Nolot, which was so eye opening. That night on the watch I was sitting in the back of the room with my eyes closed and I see this figure pacing, but there is no one there, it doesn’t take too long until I realize that this is Jesus, he is really in the room. He is pacing, he himself interceding, but he is furious! I have never before seen such a righteous anger, he is saying (John 10:10) “ I have come so that you may have life and have life to the full! THIS IS NOT LIFE!” and I realize sitting here now that quite honestly the first part of the verse also makes sense, a thief comes only to steal kill and destroy. That is pretty much what has been happening, their pimps have taken them and all they do is destroy and tear down these woman and children.

Now here we are in mid-January 2014. I was fortunate enough to be able to go out to Kansas City for the Onething conference with some friends old and new, wait, let me rephrase that, FAMILY! On December 31st Benjamin Nolot was our afternoon speaker, now this just makes sense now. Anyway I was feeling such freedom after a girls night of just heart to heart the night before but singing something in the morning just really hit my heart and threw me into a brokenness. One of my darling sisters in the Lord comes and sits beside me and just puts her arms around me and begins to speak life, at one point saying “God is a good daddy” now I have full reason to feel what I felt, rejection, but it wasn’t actually from God, it was because my biological father failed me. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful dad now who treats me as his own and loves me, I am extremely thankful for him even if I don’t always make it known. Anyways this feeling was just so heavy that I couldn’t shake it for the next week and a half. I just had such a hard time viewing God as a father, it just hurt so much even though he longs for me to let him be my daddy. On the way home as I was copiloting that same sister had me listen to a song by Jon Thurlow, said it would change my life. It was called My little one  “there’s no need to be afraid, Daddy’s here and its okay, my love will take the fear away my little one”. The other song that had just really been hitting me is also by an IHOPKC worship leader, Misty Edwards All Men are Broken “I’m not like your father, listen my beloved one… I’m not like your father why are you putting that on me. I’m bigger than that… There’s only one good father, the father of all creation… he loves us so well, everything is in my hands, it’s gonna be alright, you’re gonna be okay. Your babies are my babies, and I will be the father because your babies are my babies, I’m gonna turn it all around just wait and see, I’m gonna make everything beautiful just in time.” I typed them as she sang so they are not all word for work and some skipping, but you get the point. I am now doing my internship as you know, and I was in the prayer room at Eastgate and I began to pray over Cambodia, then I am onto the Nations declaring every tongue will sing his praises, next thing you know I’m at the djembe singing over the victims especially the young girls and singing “Father hold them tight, Father let them feel your love, set them free!” and all of a sudden I realize that all that I was feeling as far as rejection and struggling to see God as a daddy was really not for me, it was because I am an intercessor, and I had to feel it… These girls have been sold by their fathers, or left orphaned by their parents where they were left and taken by pimps. You know what is so sad, is that in other countries parents are congratulated when they have a baby girl because they can sell them for sex if they need money. So as my heart was just breaking for them, I understood why I felt led to take the watch that I am.  I fully believe that we will see an end to this horrific event, Jesus is coming back and it will be ended once and for all! In the meantime the rest of us have to fight like it’s our life on the end because these are our sisters through God the father. There is no room for any unbelief, if we don’t believe then that’s a sin on our part that is going to keep us from fulfilling the work God has created us for we will see an end to this. I will watch on the wall for Jesus to return, for he is my beloved, and because when he returns there is FREEDOM!

Kingdom Foundations Internship (KFI)

I am doing an “internship” through Kingdom Ministry School, the term “internship” tends to throw people for a loop. I have classes Monday and Wednesday nights every week for the next five months, along with that we spend a minimum of ten hours a week in the prayer room either at Gateway House of Prayer, or Eastgate House of Prayer. My hours will be mixed with a little of both since I live closer to Eastgate but will still because of my classes be at Gateway quite a bit as well. Part of our 10 hour requirement is a 2 hour set/watch a week, this is the same every week. The set I have signed up for is Thursday 12am-2am. You may be wondering what would drive me to be up praying at that time, that I may go into more another time, but in the meantime, if you are up in the middle of the night feel free to join me as I, along with others on the watch intercede to end Human trafficking. Daily we are spending at least an hour in the Secret Place, half of which is spent solely in the word. These five months we are also all of us interns doing a media fast, however we were given permission to/kind of encouraged to blog about what God is doing in our life, so you may find these being posted on facebook for those interested, I however will not ever be “on” facebook. This internship is kinda like school, yes, we have HOMEWORK! like I said before we have that hour daily, we also have books to read and write reports on, as well as submitting a monthly journal entry on the assigned topic, each month we are given a life challenge to complete within that month, scripture to memorize for the month (at the end we have to have the entire passage memorized). So here goes the beginning of a beautiful journey, a journey where God will break me down, but I will be beautifully broken!